But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
