I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
