That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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