i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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