weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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