anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize