I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
