it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
