I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
