Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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