I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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