does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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