it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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