Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Randomize
