the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
