Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
