My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
