3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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