dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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