We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
