i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
