The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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