It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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