I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
birth control should be required to get into college
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
false alarm, still single
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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