Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize