I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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