Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I need moral support for this bender
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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