I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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