this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
