I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
