So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize