I want to walk on stilts...naked
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
