I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
