I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
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