can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
