Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
