just come out here and I will go home with you...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
