you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize