Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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