I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
