I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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