I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
