And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
