it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
