I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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