Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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