so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
