I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
