she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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