you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
