In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
