So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
