my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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