Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
third nipple confirmed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
