Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
