i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize