I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
