people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
