Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
