In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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