OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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