I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
