Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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