she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
