Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
