His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
