then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
