my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
