I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
