They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
