if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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