Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize