Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
