eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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