WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
