By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
