Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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